where we are is uhtceare

THERE IS NO OTHER TIME OF DAY that provides such ideal conditions for lucid thought and eloquent expression than the early hours before dawn. Sleep as an activity is shoved aside, one has had one’s quota, time now to engage the mind on the upcoming issues and realise with growing dread that the ordure and the fan may be about to engage. 

 I hate it. I just want to sleep FGS! Uhtceare! The curse of the confused. 

But I have the misfortune to be richly endowed with an abundancy of these sleepless hours, when my mind sidesteps the trivia of daytime actions and gets on with the no-holds-barred approach to sorting stuff out. It is miserable.

It is probably unwise and certainly unprofitable to go into too must detail as to the themes and topics I am presented with by the grey matter during these interludes, but suffice to say they almost always induce in me a rising sensation of panic, fear and despair, only dispelled if I am lucky, by a stupor-like doze as the first light of day begins to seep through windows and curtains. But not all fears and themes are thus erased: here is a set of ideas that played upon the synapses and won’t be quietened until I’ve set them down for further evaluation…

Reasons why we are moving towards selling 1rueFB – yes, that old chestnut. My night time muse this time indicated four principle reasons and two secondaries then set about expanding upon them:

A: Distance from Devon    Door to door mileage (I have several year’s records of these) is generally in the region 900, one way. 

There is no ‘direct’ route, exactly. We vary our routes to bring variety to our coming and our going and do so now with a minimum of two hotel overnights – but preferably three. We avoid long stretches on autoroutes as we find them tedious generally. We have experience of a one night stop after a short ferry crossing from Dover and flogging our way south on autoroutes. No. Never again. 

So here it is: recognition that to get to 1rueFB involves an overnight ferry crossing and then two long days of driving or three shorter days of driving – to get to Sablet. Even four hotels on the way back! Not cheap, but still enjoyable provided the car is in good running order, obvs, so far so good. But the long distance and expenditure (ferry, hotels, meals en route, fuel) make frequent visits not cost affective. Times two (x2) of course as we have to clear off back to the UK, see below, so 900 miles give or take, back again.
Quite a cost then, but acceptable while the comings and goings are shaped as if a holiday, sort of, – that’s how we justify the outlay. Prices rise though, year on year, so they do.

B: Restrictions and Limitations   Since the brainless Brexit disaster we are no longer considered to be European Citizens by the EU. We get treated the same as Aussies and Yanks FGS. Consequently we are restricted to a maximum of 90 days in any one visit to the Shengen area. One cannot return there for more days than have been earned by being outside the area (up to 90 days). But we are also limited by the closest optimal personal travel insurance we can economically obtain, to 62 days cover in any one visit! We cope with it. We suck it up. But it makes us MAD!  Must have paid them thousands by now. Never claimed nothing. 

C: Maintenance  Upkeep of 1rueFB is ongoing as one would expect. In the last two years we have had the roof ridge tiles overhauled and re-fixed, the roof gulley re-proofed, the exterior and interior window frames and entrance doors repainted. Before that we had all the shutters and garage doors repainted in cool grey. We had our central heating recharged with antifreeze. The boiler is serviced regularly. The battle against the salts that crystalise out of the lower walls of most of the older properties in Sablet is rejoined upon each arrival: brushing down, patching and repainting. We do it, well I do, although I can’t say without complaint.

D: Taxes and Charges   Unsurprisingly we have to pay for electricity and water. Like in the UK the supply of these attract standing charges that apply irrespective of how much of either you use, year round. It’s not too bad. We still burn oil to heat water and house and in La Republique it is much more expensive (TVA, or VAT if you prefer) than in the UK. Trouble is, we are also doing that in the UK aussi, with the oil and electricity that is. Yes, shock horror we get tax stick beatings in Blightey, no surprise there… where was I? Back in Fr:

We are compelled to pay annual property insurance. You’d expect to wouldn’t you. It’s about €800 and it goes up every year. 

We are also required to pay the tax ‘Habitation’ €826 and that goes up every year. 

We are also required to pay Tax Fonciere, the local rates. €906 and sure enough that goes up every year.

There: I bet that surprised you. €2,500+ just for living here for eleven or twelve weeks a year  (we used to do summers but it is too damned hot these days). Wouldn't make any difference if we came for one week or twenty, or none even, we are subject to the taxes and those jolly old standing charges. while still home owners here obvs. 

E: Age   Difficult one, this one. But one does have to consider it. Health, stamina, mobility, fatigue, cussedness sort of stuff. Do I want to go up bloody ladders and paint walls etc? Why am I having to write all this stuff down?

F: Is second home ownership justifiable?   I am reasonably sure now that as we spend most of our surplus (ha!) income in Fr. and bring in extra taxes on top (Habitation, too hard to pick apart here) we are still just about tolerable to the state as a set of non-nationals in France. I don’t think, in Vaucluse at least, we are depriving the natives of a home; as far as I can tell there isn’t a housing shortage, neither is everyday housing out of reach of the working population. And 1rueFB is at heart, every day housing, in villages such as Sablet. 

It will be interesting therefore to see [or find out in due course] who will be the next occupants of the ugly duckling that we have grown so fond of. Shocking, upsetting, distressing and all. 

When that day comes, perish the thought.

Bored? I'd be bored as well if I could be, in those early hours with my uhtceare (look it up: I did and I still couldn't sleep) rather than feeling all that night time puzzlement and despair. Anyway: this post is not compiled for widespread consumption. Don't fret, but I'll be chewing over another worrying aspect of lifestyle tonight (as I do most nights) no doubt, while you are deeply asleep, oblivious; but I won't be making a post of anything else that flashes up, you'll be relieved to hear – unless it is utterly ground-breaking of course ………… In which case it'll be copywrite. 

it is what it is volume one

'Located in the heart of the village of Sablet, Stéphane Plaza Immobilier, the Vaison-la-Romaine estate agents, are proud to present this exclusive listing for a charming, authentic village house. Situated a stone’s throw from the centre of the picturesque Provençal village of Sablet with its amenities, and only ten minutes from Vaison-la-Romaine, this beautiful village house marries traditional charm with modern comfort. Sensitively restored and tastefully decorated, it offers light and well-arranged living spaces.

On the ground floor, a spacious kitchen/dining room bathed in light is the perfect setting for convivial gatherings. And on the upper floors, two cosy rooms allow for perfect peace and relaxation.
The house has three bedrooms, ideal for welcoming family and friends. 

And you will have the full benefit of a charming terrace with an enticing view over the surrounding countryside, towards the listed village of Séguret in the distance. This is a tranquil spot, a perfect place for relaxing in the shade on a hot summer evening, or recharging your batteries after a long day in the sun. 

Completing the property is a private garage, a rare asset in the village centre.

This is a clean, unpretentiously maintained and cared-for property – very liveable and well laid out, it would make an ideal main or second residence.'

24 March: Our first meeting with our chosen immoblier here at 1rueFB. The time has come and this is the first move. Andrew is English, (obvs, with Hepplewhite as a surname) affable, realistic, enthusiastic, understanding of the turmoil making this decision places us in. Not to mention a record of successful transactions in Sablet and around. Above all Andrew speaks the mother tongue and has a sense of humour.

We get on well with him – he likes the house, especially the terrace room, and the views therefrom. He is not so enthusiastic about Fafner (oil fired CH) which although a bit noisy, gets the water hot and the house warm, provided one masters its variables. But generally these days, the République frowns on fossil fuel domestic heating solutions. The absence of much double glazing concerns him mildly I think, but it is what it is, I explain.

But the garage in which Fafner lurks is a plus and after AH has left us we set about clearing it of the clutter that has there amassed (mostly to the déchêterie no less) to prove it can accommodate a small to moderate car if need be. Ouch! The concertina doors are tricky and one is stuck just at the moment (no doubt it will free up in due course…)*. The advantage of having our house entrance on Montée-de-la-Grand-Font which is a cul-de-sac, where we park, usually unchallenged and always in concert with our uphill neighbours, is another plus.

So, yes, AH will act for us and is straightway on our side and enthusiastic to take it on. We shall need a diagnostic assessment and report, of course, as is the French practice and next time he comes, on 1st April he arrives with Sandrine who carries out this task in accordance with regulations and from which we will be awarded an energy rating. This is likely to squeak in at 'E' as we don’t sport double glazing on the ground and first floors and our insulation is perhaps a bit basic (it is indeed deemed to be 'E', not good but common enough in housing of this vintage).We are aware of an earth issue she inevitably unearths, and are expecting to get an electrician in to fix it (see below).

But on this second visit Andrew goes round the establishment and takes a series of sexy snaps in anticipation of putting it up on the internet in the next few days, perhaps. We settle fairly readily on the perhaps optimistic net gain we might make upon completion and of the other sums on top to go into what the house will be marketed at. The process is represented as being of almost no outlay to us which I find rather unconvincing, but it is true that the notaire’s costs are paid by the buyer as are the declared percentage of the house price which makes up the agent’s fee. Notionally that is. The diagnostique fee we certainly pay as well as the recently introduced grey water test (to ensure that it goes into the sewers and not the drains or elsewhere!).

Andrew is with us for over three hours and as it is a sunny, cloudless and mild day, the process of making the visual record is quite fun. Not to understate our feeling of shock at the prospect of selling our cherished ugly duckling in Sablet: both of us feel rather sick about it at times, even miserable, you might say. Who will see its charms as easily as we do? Who will overlook and or cope with the propensity for salts and crumbling plaster on that back wall? Anybody? 

Well we shall see.

We claim that we are in no initial hurry to get it over with, we are expecting and planning to be here again in September this year… just now, as the first martins zoom up Montée-de-la-Grand-Font to check out their homes and what repairs, replacements and rebuilds they need to undertake under our eaves to have a successful breeding summer. Could be though, that we won’t be here to welcome them next year, who knows? 

Meanwhile:

3 April: We drop by Andrew’s office in Vaison and by dint of a splurge of initialising and signing, activate a 90 day exclusivity agreement with Stéphane Plaza Immobilier, renewable if after those days have elapsed, 1rueFB is still unsold. It sounds grim but wasn’t, the doing of that is, just very formally wordy… none of which I can read of course (IBMS). We even met Delphine, Mme Hepplewhite. So 1rueFB is going, and on the market. We go off to find lunch at Villedieu…

But I can’t quite dispel the feeling that already 1rueFB no longer belongs to us. It is an uncomfortable sensation and it doesn’t stop me feeling personally responsible for every damned thing that is in need of attention.

4 April: By arrangement Andrew shows up around midday to take better pictures of the terrace and main bed-chamber as well as a movie utilizing a sort of digital tripod thingy. *After that we try again to open the reluctant garage doors and finally conclude that the far pair can’t open as they are no longer hanging from the runner/rail. The rail-runner attachment is missing! Gone. Just the connector rod hangs down.   

This focusses Mme Melling in particular so off we go to Alu-Vaison to get some indication of how much a replacement roller-door would cost. Not that I have any intention of replacing the secure wooden doors that exist at the moment. >sigh<. But maybe they could be repaired.

We are going to get a visit and a formal quote, notwithstanding. They are coming on Tuesday. Another 'touring' day lost. It won’t result in a sale either, leastways not from this party.  Who needs a garage when street parking is so easy? The selling price of 1rueFB can either include the garage potential or maybe an allowance for replacing the existing concertina wooden closure with something else. But in my book it is what it is, right? 

Now we await the sparks who is coming to see what he has to do to restore the electric circuit to fully earthed, and anything else we might indicate that needs his particular skill. Some of our fuses may be incorrect, don’t ask me how or why. We bought this gaff knowing full well there was an issue with the earth, a fact I can confirm as probably still extant – by the kick I got when tidying up a corner spot in the guest bedroom years back, even with that ring fuse removed. Perhaps time to sort it. In good faith and all that. 

Said sparks has been and given us his assessment of our situation. Bloody hell! As expected selling a house costs. Of course, the electrics are not quite 2025. Here we go: waiting for the quotes.

7 April: Did I mention the failure of the flush mechanism on the bathroom loo? No? Well we had a new flush and flow fitted into our cistern a week prior to departure last autumn – the new fitting therefore malfunctioned after just three weeks of use. So Brando chappie returned with his superior this morning and got it to work again (a bit of plastic was jamming it: ‘it’ being made of the cheapest eggshell plastic known to man, of course). NB: we still have not received (AToW) an invoice for that October 2024 plumber visit despite numerous requests to ‘send us your bill’. It better not feature two call outs, or else we’ll be wanting to know the reason why.

Ah! Costs. As we have failed to get above an 'E' energy rating the house has to be 'audited', at our expense (a mere €700 to the Fr Govt for the priv.) to produce an estimation of what needs to be done to bring the house above the dreaded 'E' rating (like drag out Fafner and replace with an all electric heating/hot water system; add more insulation into non-existent roof space, double glaze the windows, insulate the floors – all that sort of thing). Not that you have to do it mind, it is purely aspirational. And obvs another lever for one’s potential buyer to try to extract a lower asking price…… tsch…they can try… 

And now the electrics: what must be done? When? By whom? and at what cost? Another €830 and 21/22 inst. – that’ll be the fixing dates. M’God. Very reasonable I'm sure. Not sure I was aware that we had to start over buying 1rueFB again, before we could progress to flogging the gaff… but this is Fr and all we can do is grit the dents in the hope that someone out there will want the place as much as we did back in 2012…… go to it Andrew, find that buyer!

No rush……

Thanks go to the son-and-heir 

for the translation of the immobilier, sales-blurb.